Non-Violent Resistance: one family's story

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At a recent Knit, Stitch and Make session we were lucky to be put in touch with a family who had tried a new approach to managing violent behaviour in their child, with great success. We asked this parent to share with us a short summary of the techniques used and the amazing changes they saw in their family life as a result…

Using NVR to Rebuild Family Relationships – our story

“Non violent Resistance (NVR) is a parenting approach used to manage aggressive, harmful and self destructive behaviour in children and adolescents. The core focus of NVR is to rebuild the parent/child relationship and affirm parental presence (parental authority) whilst resisting the above behaviours.

Parents learn a set of techniques which resist the unacceptable behaviours whilst nurturing the
parental love for the young person. De-escalation calms volatile situations which are addressed at a
later time. Reconciliation gestures (acts of loving kindness) reinforce the parent’s unconditional
love. Recruiting supporters provides an opportunity to ‘break the silence’ and create a support
network for the parent and young person. The self destructive behaviours are then resisted by prioritising the most problematic behaviour and addressing this with a written announcement and a ‘sit-in’.

We are the parents of an adolescent who has high functioning Autism with Dyslexia and Tourettes. At
the time we were introduced to NVR our son, then 14yrs old, was almost constantly angry, volatile
and violent at home. We were frightened of him and fearful for him – where would this unacceptable
behaviour lead him in the future? We thought we had tried every parenting approach, but without
success, and felt exhausted and helpless.

NVR helped us turn a corner and transform our family life and our son’s. In addition we learnt to see
life through our son’s eyes and understand what triggered his outbursts. Subsequently, he was
prescribed medication for anxiety and sleeping difficulties. There has been no violence for 2 ½ years
and our son’s relationship with us and our daughter is much closer. He is now so much happier with
greatly improved self confidence and self esteem. Family life is not perfect but we are calmer,
stronger and united. We continue to practise NVR, 4yrs on, since it has become a way of life and
helps us to manage the inevitable daily challenges.”

Further reading:
Haim Omer “Non Violent Resistance” see this title on amazon

A Oxleas NHS trust ‘Masterclass’ leaflet, downloadable PDF:

Are you interested in this technique or have you tried it? Let us know your thoughts here..Sign up as a member and comment below.

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